Struggling but progressing

Growing up there’s always this path expected for you not only by your parents but by you and even your peers. You go to school, graduate, go to college for 4 years and have your degree by 22. Sometimes those paths don’t happen and sometimes those paths take longer for some than others. 

I have never been one to get embarrassed easily, I like to think I have a good sense of humor so I only have a hand full of times in my entire life where I have been embarrassed. That being said I will admit, I get very embarrassed and ashamed when talking about being in school. I know fully well I shouldn’t but I do. 

Most people I grew up with and are my age have had there degrees for some time now, some now working on their masters. Hell, even people younger than me have their degree already so it’s hard being proud of my progress in life and also being embarrassed of my lack of progress with school. 

I am 25 years old with no degree yet. I’ve been in community college since 2014 and just now transferred to a University for my bachelor degree. No I did not receive an associate degree because my community college didn’t offer much for the degree and career I want. 

Life knocked me on my butt when I was just a kid and it took me years to build myself back up to be able to stand where I am today. 

My senior year of high school I started having major panic attacks that crippled me and over time I no longer could leave my house. I didn’t go anywhere for 10 months and those last two months that would make it a year are a blur because I was so drugged up on anxiety medicine and antidepressants that I couldn’t function or stay awake for longer than an hour at a time. 

Just when I thought I had my anxiety under control and was no longer having frequent panic attacks, the depression sweeps in. This pattern continued for a few years and unfortunately a lot of my schooling got interrupted or effected by it. 

I went a couple of years only being able to do school in the fall because my depression would worsen in the spring and I would have to drop out. This made for a very long process of just being able to transfer. I lost a lot of friends those first few years but I also gained quite a few that had similar problems and were so supportive. 

I’ve been going to school every year for 6 years but semester wise more like 3 years and just now find enjoyment and excitement because I’m finally where I want to be after 6 years of fighting. I can also do both semesters of school now no problem. 

Yes, I get embarrassed saying I’m 25 and technically a freshman at university getting my bachelors degree but then I remember that this is my life, my journey, my story that I’m writing not anyone else’s. I cannot compare my journey to someone else because it will always be different. Progress is progress no matter how fast or how slow it takes you to get there. Everyone is different and unique therefore everyone’s story is different and unique. And that I will never be embarrassed for.